You can't special order awesome
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
