my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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