i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
