Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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