this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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