The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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