trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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