I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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