ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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