i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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