just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
