now i know why i became what i already was.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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