If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
