Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
