the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
