8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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