So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
