I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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