I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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