3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
