You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
