Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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