I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize