Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
