I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
