And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
