Dual....:-)
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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