I cannot find my penis.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize