singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
