Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
