Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
