yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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