just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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