if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
