And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
