actually, I'm a sock model
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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