have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
