I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
