pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
