dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
