I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
