I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
