just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
