...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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