he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
