Jerry, you need to find god
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
