My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize