The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I am one with the molecules
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
