Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
