I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There's always time for handjobs
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
