I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
