The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
