sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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