That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
