just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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