I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
