Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
