ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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