I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize