Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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