remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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