why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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