i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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