She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize