So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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