do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
