Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Let's get the cat blown out
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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