I cockslap morals
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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