i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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