im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
