im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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