You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
