Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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