i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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