I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize