the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
