i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
