you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
