In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
