I hate your face
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
