I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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