A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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