You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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