Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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