I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize