I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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