just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
