Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
