Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
