If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
