I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
