I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
