We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
