Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
