he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
