How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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