We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
